So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
