Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
