can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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