You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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