You just made me feel so damn special
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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