I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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