great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
