my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
