I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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