I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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