Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How's work?
Spinning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
