we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
