Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
