I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
