??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
