he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
