i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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