that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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