Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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