ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
