Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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