he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
