Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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