Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
