Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
