Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
