just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
