so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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