i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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