Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
