I faked an abortion last night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
