Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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