yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
