the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
