I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
