K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
