Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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