I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
