Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
