u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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