Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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