I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
