I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
