worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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