Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you had me at cake vodka
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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