Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
