Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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