One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
