Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
