3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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