Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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