i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
