I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you will always have a special place in my vag
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
