I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
