if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
