My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
