Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
