Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
