Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
