Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
