i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
