i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
