Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
