When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
