I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
