At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
