I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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