We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
