I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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