All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
