some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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