After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
