i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
