I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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