really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
