I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Mom said you looked used
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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