flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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