I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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