so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
